Crystal Aura Gaze

One

Everything you’ve lost will come back to you. We live life in fear of gaining something because it implies that someday we’ll lose it. But that couldn’t be further than the truth. A pattern I’ve noticed in life is that when you lose something, eventually in time it comes back to you. It won’t come back exactly the same, but it will feel strikingly similar.

When you lose someone, they will come back to you. It might not necessarily be the same person, but it will be the same energy. You’ll meet someone in the future who reminds you exactly of them. We don’t love people, we love souls. And souls in two different people can bring the same energy. So that best friend you had for years who moved to another country, you find that a couple of years later you meet a new best friend who’s exactly like them.

Or maybe you haven’t lost a person, but a job or a home. But then you get a better job offer, or you find a new home, and so forth. And that familiar energy you thought you’d lost forever returns. I think that life is a series of patterns and endless cycles. Whatever, or whoever, you lose will come back to you — just in a different form.

Two

Tell them that you love them. Tell that person that you love them. Who cares if they don’t say it back? We say “I love you” as a way of expressing ourselves — not as a way of forcing someone to say it back. Whether it’s a friend, your family, or the person you think is your soulmate.

Never feel embarrassed or ashamed for having a big heart. Loving someone doesn’t make you weak — it actually makes you stronger. It takes a lot of bravery to love. You’re risking a lot and putting yourself on the line. In the end, even if it’s unrequited love, you will always have that beautiful experience of feeling what life is all about.

Three

Love is the meaning of life. We are all here to love each other and that is the purpose of life. Loving others is not easy. Forgiveness is difficult. But we do it all because of love. Everyone at their core wants to be loved, even the most evil of souls. So many people think that they are not worthy of love and believe that it’s something they have to force or else it will never happen naturally.

Four

Most people are only in your life for a very short amount of time — don’t take it for granted. I grew up in a small town and school district where we all knew each other. I never moved around growing up. It wasn’t until going away to college and then getting a full time job when I realized how much all of these people come in and out of your life. When you first meet someone, you’ll never know if they’ll be in your life for decades, or only for a few minutes, and anywhere in between. You don’t know when your coworker is quitting, or when friends are moving away to live somewhere else, or a long distance friend loses touch with you.

You should never overestimate or assume how much time you have with someone. And so, make the most of your time and be your full and authentic self.

Five

Revenge is not worth it. I honestly grew up as quite a spiteful child who believed that it was my place to right people’s wrongs. It took me a very long time to understand that revenge is a trap. You end up losing so much more than you gain — your peace of mind, your sense of conscience, and so much of your precious energy. Don’t let a bad person turn you into a bad person.

Six

Everyone is fighting a battle. Even those who seem like they have everything perfectly together — you don’t know what happens behind closed doors. Ironically, it’s the ones who seem the most “perfect” who actually have the most chaotic and toxic lives. So, be nice to people — even if they seem a little rude to you. You don’t know what they’re dealing with.

Seven

Go easy on yourself. I have always been very hard on myself, especially as a teenager. The older I get, the more I learn how to give myself grace. We are all trying our best. We tend to be so much harder on ourselves than other people. But put it this way — would you speak about your loved ones the same way you speak about yourself?

Eight

Let go of the past. I have always been one to hold on tightly to the past. But now I see that when you can’t clear out the old, there’s no space for the new. And the new may be just as great, or even better! Drop the grudges, the regrets, and everything or everyone you dwell on. It feels very freeing when you do!

Nine

But don’t cut off the past completely and don’t burn any bridges. I have always been a person of extremes. If I don’t hold onto someone or something, I would cut it out as if it never existed. Now I take a much more neutral approach. There is a way to let go of the past without completely erasing it. Be thankful for good memories, learn and grow from the bad memories. Keep your gaze forward, but you still need to glance in the rear view mirror from time to time.

Ten

You should embrace your niche interests and hobbies. You don’t have to like what everyone else likes, or be doing what everyone else is doing. Find the things that make you stand out and dive fully into it.

Eleven

People (generally) become kinder with age. I think about how mean kids are in middle school. In high school, it’s slightly more civil, but people are still awful. Once you’re in the adult world, everyone is civilized (for the most part.) People do change — and most of that change has to do with natural maturity. People learn how to empathize, to have more compassion, and to act in more kind and polite ways.

I used to think that old people were bitter. I thought that aging made you colder — but it actually makes you softer. I thought that going through more grief, harder experiences, and greater challenges made you closed off — it actually makes you more open. The worse you experience, the more you empathize, because you know what it’s like to feel pain. It motivates you to help others, because you understand their struggles.

Having said that, this rule does not apply to everyone. Some people never develop empathy. But I would say that for the majority, people evolve and mature.

Twelve

Boys and men are two different breeds. Speaking of maturing, this heavily applies to males. Boys and men and like night and day. Something happens to males, somewhere between puberty and their thirties, in which they become a completely different person. Some men mature faster than others, (and I’m talking about emotionally) while some boys will sadly remain boys for the rest of their lives. But again, for the most part, males become better with age. And when I say “better,” I mean kinder, more compassionate, more emotionally aware.

Thirteen

I’m not as self-aware as I thought I was. I’ve always considered myself to be highly self-aware, but as I am able to look back on my past self with a detached perspective, I see myself differently. This is both good and bad. It’s good because it helps me further understand why people had certain reactions to my actions. It’s a little bit bad, because sometimes it really makes me cringe. Such is life.

Fourteen

Not every situation needs to be judged. Over my life, I’ve found myself in many unconventional situations. But the thing is, experiences are meant to be experienced — not defined. You don’t need to classify every single thing in life as “good” or “bad.” Most of the time, it simply “is.”

All of this comes from comparison. We can’t compare our lives with others. We are all on our own journeys. Let’s do a little less thinking and a little more feeling.

Fifteen

Imagination is so important. I’ve always had a very vivid imagination— and I’ve been conditioned to suppress it, to believe that it’s bad. But how can we get through life without imagination? And if imagination really is so far away from reality, tell me how it still exists? How can we say that imagination is fake? If it’s fake, then where does it come from? Where do the greatest works of art come from— from facts? I don’t think so.

Embrace your daydreams. Imagine whatever you want to imagine. Use it to cope. Use it to escape. Use it to help you face reality. Hold onto it tightly. Do not let the world strip you of your imagination — sometimes that’s all we have left. Don’t let the world tell you what to believe. More importantly, don’t let the world tell you to stop believing in anything at all.

Sixteen

Keep your heart as light as a feather. Life is heavy. You get yourself into some very heavy situations. The universe slaps you across the face. You feel the worst type of pain. In the end, you can’t take anything too seriously.

There is this Egyptian myth that I’ve learned a lot from. When you die, your heart is measured against the weight of a feather. If it’s heavier than the feather, you get sent to “Hell” basically. Are you going to die with a heavy heart — with a checklist of people who wronged you, with plots for revenge, with wishes of evil against others. No, I plan on dying with a heart that is lighter than a feather. While I’m alive, I plan to always choose forgiveness.

Seventeen

The menstrual cycle is sacred and important. After years of being taught that my period is something I need to ignore, I spent my twenties un-learning this harmful lie that society pushes. They say, pop in a sports tampon and keep doing those backflips like the commercials! Just keep up with men! Uhh, no.

The cycle is more than one week of bleeding, it’s a journey of different hormones doing different things. It’s a series of cycles just like the moon. As women, we wax and we wane, we become extroverted and then introverted, we gain energy and lose energy. In contrast, men run on 24-hour days like the sun, while women run on ~30 days like the moon.

Eighteen

Tragedy can happen with no silver lining. Sometimes, life just sucks. And there’s no positive perspective. As much as it’s important to stay positive, we shouldn’t use toxic positivity to deny uncomfortable feelings. The more you avoid those feelings, the more they take control over you. Sometimes, it’s like, “yep, this horrible thing happened to me.” That’s all.

Nineteen

A little bit of stress is necessary. I used to have this mentality that “stress must be avoided at all costs.” Ironically, I stressed out over the thought of stress. I lived my life to assure that there would be zero stress. I thought that stress was the cause for everything negative in life.

While too much stress is indeed deadly, there’s also a healthy balance. Too little stress can be just as bad. Not only is stress a natural part of life that you can’t run from, it’s also not always such a bad thing. A little bit of stress can make life more exciting, exhilarating, and vivid. Again, it’s all about balance.

Twenty

Honor your ancestors. It’s so important to learn about your family history. You should not only learn about recent generations, also go back several centuries and see how your family evolved. I never really thought about this when I was younger. But as I think about the future generations of my family to come, it makes me want to know the past, so that they can also know their past.

Every family has their own culture. This can help you further understand why you may think a certain way or do things a certain way. Also, keeping old traditions alive brings connection. It’s incredible and humbling to think of how many people came before you, everyone who fell in love to make you who you are, all of those footsteps that built the current day.

Twenty-one

Friendship can be intense — and that’s okay. There’s this general idea that friendship should be simple, just two people who get along and hang out with each other. There are a lot of complicated friendships. You can have a “breakup” with a friend that feels even more intense than a breakup with a partner. You can have both a lot of anger and a lot of love for a friend at the same time.

There are points when you need to end a friendship, sadly. And if things feel too intense, then maybe just take some space for now. But just understand that it’s totally normal to feel like your friendships are very intense, that people give you mixed feelings, because people are complex creatures! Nothing in life is simple, and that most definitely includes friendship!

Twenty-two

Language is beautiful. When I was a kid, I wondered, why don’t we all speak the same language? Not until recently have I understood the importance of language. Language represents culture, history, art, and so much more. I wish that kids in the U.S. were taught multiple languages starting from kindergarten.

Now, here I am, learning fifteen different languages on DuoLingo — including a dead one, Latin. (Now how much of these languages am I actually retaining… that’s beside the point!) Different languages allow you to express yourself in different ways. When you learn a different language, you’re also learning about a different part of yourself.

Twenty-three

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I don’t really know if I am pretty or not. And I think that the moment someone considers themself beautiful, a part of that beauty is sort of taken away. I think that beauty is about not knowing — not knowing if you are beautiful or not, not knowing how to read people’s minds, not knowing everything there is to know in life.

I have these “flaws” about myself that makes me look different than your typical celebrity model. Some people will find these flaws attractive while others will find them off putting. One person’s definition of beautiful is someone who looks “perfect” because they got tons of plastic surgery, Botox, and fillers to make them looks like everyone else. Another person’s definition of beautiful is someone who has a uniqueness about them. All I know is, I’d rather surround my myself with those who agree with the latter.

At the end of the day, beauty is not the number one thing on my mind. I won’t spend thousands of dollars, or put myself through physical pain, just to be considered beautiful. I want my loved ones to think that I am beautiful, but in a way that celebrates who I am on the inside and not on the outside.

Twenty-four

It is human nature to seek drama, self-sabotage, and believe the grass is greener on the other side. You don’t have to beat yourself up for being this way, but you can still make efforts to not be this way. Sometimes we completely screw up what is perfect for us. Maybe we think we don’t deserve it; maybe it’s the devil on our shoulders; maybe this is simply human nature. And when you accept this, it has less control over you. And then from there you can work on overcoming this nature.

Twenty-five

Really appreciate who is there for you. It’s rare to find people with genuine hearts, who do the right thing, and you support you no matter what. We forget how rare it is — until we push them aside, assuming that you’ll easily find this somewhere else. Nobody is perfect, but only a very select few are true gems that you should never let go of.

Twenty-six

Being polite never goes out of style. Having good manners goes a long way. This is something that many kids aren’t taught as a young age — who grow into adults with rude habits that they aren’t even aware of. Politeness means to have grace, even if you might not have the energy, even if you are in a bad mood, even if you are dealing with someone who you dislike.

Having an attitude is blatantly disrespectful. And you don’t even have to truly respect someone in order to be polite. Whether it’s at work, or when you’re ordering food, or when you’re passing a stranger, or when you’re with your best friends. Just show that you have awareness and consideration for others.

And I’ve found that over the years this is something that always sticks. There is never the wrong place or time to be polite. And it goes a long way.

Twenty-seven

You’re not a slave to your thoughts and emotions. Thoughts and emotions are things that come and pass. You don’t have to be controlled by them. When you are overthinking, you don’t have to answer to every thought. When your emotions are running strongly, you don’t have to impulsively follow them.

Up until somewhat recently, I really did feel like my thoughts and emotions had full control over me. You have to let these things come and go. You may be dwelling on something from the past, or trying to figure out everything about the future. You may feel like you suddenly miss someone, or you may randomly get angry at someone. You can just sit with that and allow it to pass.

Twenty-eight

I learned how to stand up for myself. It took me too long to figure out how to draw boundaries. I spent a majority of my life letting people step over me and take advantage. I’ve always felt intense pressure to be the person that people want me to be, give them what they want to get.

Only until very recently, can I put my foot down when necessary. This means either walking away from someone completely or simply saying no to someone. It’s still something I have to actively work on. But I’ve been fighting for myself in ways that I never would’ve done before.

Twenty-nine

The real problems put the little things into perspective. You stop stressing over frivolous matters when you have actual issues that demand most of your attention. When you’re dealing with grief, disease, health problems, money issues, and so forth, you stop caring about anything petty. You don’t get wrapped up into peoples dramas, sucked into mind games, or silly matters.

I’ve also learned that there are many people in this world who still haven’t learned this — and possibly never will. Some people will always believe that their job is more important than family, for example. Or, they are more concerned with their looks than their personality. Or, they will blow up drama and hold grudges because they take their loved ones for granted. Maybe these types of people will be humbled by the universe someday, or maybe they never will, but you should certainly hold your guard against them and keep your distance.

Thirty

We are all walking blindly through life. Nobody actually knows what’s going on. No one can say for sure what reality is. That’s why hindsight is 20-20. I may make predictions about the future, but nobody knows exactly what will happen next. Even when you look on the past, it’s like, what was that? What even happened? I don’t know who I am or where I am!

We have very limited senses. We have a feeling of what’s coming and what’s around us. I imagine us all blindfolded and walking through a maze, touching the walls and getting a sense for where we are, just trying our best. For me, I’m being guided by my heart, and that’s what tells me where to go.