Summer 2025 began with my Mother passing away, just a few days after Summer Solstice. It was something that I had been bracing myself for, something I’d been expecting for the past year or so, which of course does not make it any easier. I’m still partially in that shock and denial stage. Although, when I talk to friends who lost a parent while they were young, they all say that it still doesn’t feel real. I don’t think that it ever will.
Grieving can really drain you, physically, not just emotionally. I came home from work many times and just laid on the couch, doom scrolling on my phone, until sleep. I’d started a crochet project that I made through halfway, and I threw this in the closet, knowing I’d lost all of my energy. I cancelled my Hello Fresh subscription, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to cook. I consciously made a decision to quit blogging for at least a month — knowing I wouldn’t have the energy to do it anyway.
I returned back to work and had to pretend that everything was normal. A lot of people, actually, a good majority of people at work, knew what happened. I kept up my bubbly, laughing, positive self at work — because I had to. People can know that you’re grieving and yet still except you to be your perfect, sunshiny-self at all times.
However, my first weekend following the funeral, I wanted to give myself permission to have fun. Mom would want to see me going on, being strong, and still finding ways to enjoy life.
Lunar Faire – 80s wrestling theme
The Lunar Faire takes placing from springtime to fall, occurring every New Moon and Full Moon in a different location. Each event has a theme, and this time it was a very unique and unexpected theme — 80’s wrestling. So, lots of 80’s stuff going on, along with actual wrestling matches! I’m not a big wrestling person, but they were actually super fun to watch live.
It was kind of fitting that it was an 80s theme, because that was my Mom’s time, when she was in her late twenties and beginning her thirties. They also had a talent show, which was so fun to watch. There was a spell circle, good food and drinks, and tents set up with local businesses selling their crafts.
Priscilla & Manny’s wedding!
My cousin Priscilla got married to Manny! The wedding took place at her parent’s home (my aunt and uncle). And it was so fantastic, filled with so much love and joy. It started with a beautiful and heartwarming ceremony, followed by some dinner and mingling, and then my favorite part of all — dancing!
Ocean grove
Ocean Grove is an annual tradition that my family has been doing since before I was born. We go to Ocean Grove, which is right next to Asbury Park. We have a house that’s right across from the beach.
We arrived on Saturday evening, and a group of us walked to the Asbury bar. At the house, we had a home cooked meal from my aunt and uncle, and then walked into town for ice cream. Kevin and I went to the beach at night and found lots of little crabs by the rocks. We climbed on some of the rocks but Kevin definitely went a little too far and as expected, slipped and fell, scraping his leg on the barnacles. He says that he doesn’t regret it, though.
On Sunday morning, Kevin and I went to the bakery for breakfast, before going to the beach. And we spent most of the day at the beach. The water was fairly warm and the waves were rough! Later that night, Kevin had to go back home for work.
Both Monday and Tuesday morning, a group of us went to Toast in Asbury Park for breakfast. Monday was a stuffed french toast and Tuesday was a banana foster french toast. Both were equally tasty!
On Tuesday night, I went out with the girls, and we had drinks in Asbury Park. I had a mini tarot deck with me, so we did some readings! Actually, earlier in the day, we were shopping at a plant store and the woman working there heard me talking about tarot. So, she asked me if I wanted to do a reading, so I did a group reading for all of us!
We had some more home cooked meals – my cousin’s family made tacos one night, and my other cousin made a curry dish on another night. We did more beach days, along with some shopping days. One day, a group of us went to a yarn shop — I bought a punch needle kit and a cross stitch kit. At a jewelry shop, my sister and I got permanent bracelets made of pure gold. They were welded onto our wrists!
On Thursday night, we had pizza on the beach. I brought my hula hoops, which ended up being very successful. I wasn’t sure if others would enjoy them as much as I do, but they were a big hit! Along with that was some competitive games of corn hole.
Friday night was the last night, a very bittersweet feeling. All of us walked down the shore to get boardwalk food for dinner. By this point, a lot of people had gone home, since some of the family only stays for the first part of the trip. I was pretty tired (and extremely sunburnt) by this point, but it’s still always sad to see the trip come to an end.
My cousin’s baby was there, who is just learning how to walk, and it was so adorable to watch him. My other cousins, their kids are growing up now, eleven and thirteen-years old. I still remember when they were babies at Ocean Grove. It’s really great to spend so much time with family.
We got lucky with the weather, since it was warm yet not excruciatingly hot like it has been certain years. We didn’t have a single day of rain or thunder. (I do enjoy a good beach thunderstorm, though.) Along with beach time, some shopping, and a lot of tasty food, we did a lot of games — Pictures, Jackbox, and the classic Pit!
So, this has been my summer so far. And we’ve still got about six weeks to go. It would be odd to call this a “good summer,” because it’s not “good” but it’s also not completely “bad.”
This summer started with a tragedy. And I know that there will be people who think, just because Mom was sick for so long, and just because it happened somewhat expectantly, that it’s supposed to make things “easier.” It’s not easier at all. And while there is release in the end of her suffering, it is the continuation of my own suffering.
Going to the Lunar Faire and pushing myself to have fun was all done in honoring my Mom, because I know that she doesn’t want to see me laying on the couch and crying all day — she wants to walk around the faire with me, enjoying the vibes, chatting with strangers, cheering on performers at the talent show, and supporting local businesses.
And with both the wedding and Ocean Grove, it was very healing to be around family. I’m hoping that in the final weeks of summer, that I can reconnect with my passions again. I’m hoping that I can get some of my energy back. But Mom, we all miss you so much, and life will never be the same without you. Mom, you should be enjoying this summer with me, as your most vibrant and healthy self. I keep rewatching the TV shows and movies that we loved watching together. There’s not a moment when you’re not in my thoughts.
Crystal Aura Gaze 
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