Crystal Aura Gaze

***The following is a fiction short story. Does not reflect my personal life. Not based on any real person.***

She hated him. She hated the power that he had over her. She hated the way that he made her look like a fool – a weak, desperate fool. But even worse, she hated herself for forgiving him over and over, every time he cut her off. He would always come back, and she would always welcome him with an open heart. She hated herself for that.

She wrote him a letter.

Enough was enough. It was time for closure. But before she could ever move on, she needed to write him a letter. She needed to explain everything and make him realize how deeply he hurt her. She could never move forward until she could finally let go.

It was a toxic situation. It wasn’t even a relationship. It was a situation.

Every time he hurt her, she let it happen. She forced a smile and pretended not to care. She nodded, kept her mouth shut, and walked on by. She never defended herself.

If she fought back, she worried, that he would fight her back even harder. And so her defense was meekly taking cover until he could cool down.

She sent him the letter.

He never replied.

Days went by. Weeks went by. Months went by.

At first, she didn’t want him to reply, because she was scared of what hurtful things he might say back. And yet, as the silence continued, she longed for some sort of response or at least acknowledgment. She put her heart and soul into that letter. And he pretended that he never even read it.

One day, he reached out to her. But it wasn’t what she expected. He wanted to see her again. She knew that it was a bad idea – but maybe this was her perfect opportunity to find closure. And so, she agreed to meet up.

When he saw her, he acted like nothing had happened. He wasn’t apologetic at all. All he could give was small talk.

This was her chance to be brave. She could cowardly brush past it and go along with his ignorance. Or, she could finally stand up for herself.

“Why didn’t you respond?” She asked, her voice calm and quiet, but raging on the inside.

He knew exactly what she was referring to.

He just made excuses. He couldn’t give her a real answer. And he most certainly could not even apologize.

“Did you want to go home?” He offered. And that was the last thing that she wanted to hear. Clearly, he just wanted to get out of this conversation.

She shook her head no, and they brushed over it. It wasn’t exactly how she’d picture it, but she was still proud of herself for speaking up at all. Maybe she had planted a seed, at the very least.

At the end of the day, he drove her home. She began to feel more optimistic. Maybe they could make this work. Now that she had finally stood up for herself, maybe they could truly grow from this. And maybe he was feeling exactly the same.

As he drove, there was a moment of silence. And then he spoke, “I have to tell you something.”

She turned to look at him as she felt his energy change. He was about to be vulnerable with her.

“The reason why we can’t be together is because you deserve better. I can’t have a girlfriend, I can’t handle it. I come from a broken home. I’ve even been kicked out and homeless. I’m broke and I can’t buy you anything. I’m really immature. You wouldn’t be able to handle me. It’s not you… it’s me.”

She empathized, staring at him with a look of pity and despair. It was perhaps the most honest that he’d ever been with her during their entirety of knowing each other. His remorse and guilt was something that she’d never witnessed before. It was progress – all because she decided to stand up for herself and be brave.

Once she got home, her optimism was through the roof. There was hope. She didn’t have to move on from him after all, there was finally a glimpse of hope. He was being honest and vulnerable with her.

Now, she was letting her imagination run wild, envisioning their future together. There was actually a chance to have a happily ever after together.

Before falling asleep, she picked up her phone. He blocked her.

Her heart sank, yet she wasn’t surprised. It was the same old pattern of push and pull. He had completely opened up to her – and now he had completely closed down.

She had brought out a softness inside of him that he was too uncomfortable with. While he told her that she wouldn’t be able to handle him, the truth was that he wouldn’t be able to handle her. It was unsettling, how freely she trusted, how naively she always ran back to him, and how open her heart was as she forgave him over and over again without a single apology. It was too much.

Her safety was dangerous. She made it so easy for him to let down his guard. And that was the problem – when he let down his guard, it put him that much more at risk for getting hurt. He didn’t like that vulnerable side that she brought out in him, it would make him too soft. He needed to stay guarded to keep himself safe in this hard world.

And she understood… her willingness to forgive him over and over didn’t come from a place of weakness… it came from a place of love. She loved him – not in a sense of possession, just the opposite, actually. And because of this revelation, came her unexpected sense of closure, and she could finally move on.

She realized that she loved him. And that’s how she let him go.