(ARFID stands for “Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder” in which many foods are avoided due to anxiety, apathy, or sensory issues. It does not have any relation to body image or weight control, compared to other types of eating disorders. Click here to read a post I wrote about this to learn more.)
Today, I am ready to talk about my lifelong struggle with ARFID and how I “healed” this in the year 2025. By that, I don’t mean that I have cured myself, but rather that I have taken huge strides towards improvement.
ARFID is much more than simply being a picky eater. It’s rooted in irrational fears and psychological stressors. It’s not about “disliking” many foods, but having phobias over many foods.
The phobias around the foods have nothing to do with body image or weight control. Just like any type of fear, it’s very hard to explain. It tends to be a general anxiety around taste, texture, and the process of swallowing and digesting. And the more that I work on overcoming ARFID, the less it makes sense to me — so I can see why most people don’t understand it.
For me, food has always been a scary thing, so I’ve clung onto “safe foods” that are more bland/plain and repetitive/predictable. The less ingredients, the better. I’ve always had some fear over where food comes from and what I am putting in my body.
I’ve always had sensory issues too, feeling overwhelmed by too much flavor or too many contrasting flavors at once. Texture that’s slightly different than what I’m used to can bring a lot of discomfort. Different foods on my plate could not touch. I’ve always felt more sensitive to food, overall.
It has really caused a significant amount of distress in my life. I’ve had countless social situations in which I’ve been extremely embarrassed and people have criticized me about not eating enough, or eating too plain. I’ve had all kinds of reactions from angry, laughing, taunting, belittling, irritated, or genuinely concerned, etc.
It’s also been stressful in my private life. It was hard for me to get enough nutrients, and this can hurt both physically and mentally. It makes you see food as an enemy and a hurdle, rather than something to add joy and vibrancy into your life. Eating becomes a chore, you don’t look forward to next meals, you don’t feel good about yourself as you eat. It’s like “eating” is just one of those things you have to get over with.
It’s not that I could never get excited about food or enjoy it. I had a lot of *safe foods* that I could feel excited about and never get sick of. But any excitement I felt also came with a lot of guilt in knowing that I wasn’t giving myself the right nutrients.
The work begins
I truly realized that I had a problem as I was growing up, and kids my age were “outgrowing” their pickiness, while I could not make any progress in trying new foods. It became even more obvious as a teenager. I knew that I needed to expand my pallet before going away to college.
But at that time, I still thought that it was just about being “picky.” I told myself that it would be simple as forcing myself to eat more variety. I didn’t yet know that my food avoidance came from anxiety. I didn’t realize how deep it goes. That’s because this is not a trait or a quirk, this is a mental health disorder.
At that time, I did take more steps to improve my mental health. I was seeing a therapist on campus. I knew I had anxiety – I just wasn’t yet connecting the dots to my diet.
One big step for me at 18-years old was trying veggie burgers for the first time. That’s a big win because veggie burgers contain many different ingredients; most times that you eat a veggie burger, you have no idea exactly what’s in it (it’s a mix of vegetables, sometimes soy, mushrooms, beans, seeds, etc.) And it offers a lot of nutrients and protein.
But my progress was sort of halted after that. By the time I reached my late twenties, I knew that I really had to work on this much more.
What I started doing was cooking my own meals. I found this really helped, as opposed to going out and trying things that other people cooked. By cooking myself, it gives you more of a sense of control over your food. And you know exactly what’s going in it, at what amounts.
It started with some recipe books, and then I signed up for HelloFresh, which gives you meal recipes and ingredients. I started cooking more, like full meals that take 30-40 minutes to make, not just something you throw in the microwave or boil on the stove.
To really show how extreme this condition was, I’d like to share a list of all of the foods I’ve tried and learned to love in the year 2025. Many of these are vegetables, cheeses, and condiments. (Keep in mind I do not eat any meat.)
New foods in 2025:
- Broccoli
- Tomato
- Onion
- Scallions
- Shallot
- Green beans
- Feta cheese
- Cottage cheese
- Swiss cheese
- Jack cheese
- Mayo
- Mustard
- Ketchup
- Horseradish sauce
- Hoisin sauce
- Coleslaw
- Sour cream
- Salad dressings
- Cremini mushrooms
- Curry
For these foods, I had either never tried them before, or I had tried yet went out of my way to avoid.
For example, ordering veggie burgers, I’d skip the tomato and onion and any kind of sauce it might come with. I avoided most cheeses. I couldn’t put sauce on anything. And I could only eat salads with plain oil or vinegar. Only in the past few years, I can eat cooked vegetables (I used to only eat them raw or juiced.)
Going deeper
What changed? This is not something that magically changed on its own, or with age. This was a conscious effort to do my own inner work.
I did some research into ARFID, and other topics like overstimulation and dissociation. I did a lot of reflecting on my personal relationship with food.
Learning about ARFID and realizing that this was a real, psychological condition – made me feel seen. Acceptance is the first step for any kind of problem. Knowing that other people suffer from this made me realize that I wasn’t alone – so I was less embarrassed to own it.
What I learned was that I’m extra sensitive to environmental stimuli. And I use dissociation as a coping mechanism for dealing with the harsh aspects of reality. However, food counteracts my dissociation by grounding me (bringing me back into reality), which goes directly against my coping mechanism for pain. So naturally, I associate food with pain.
Clinging to *safe foods* (more bland foods, or the foods I eat repetitively) allows me to continue dissociating. But eating something with strong flavors or textures, anything that triggers my senses, takes me away from my daydreams and into the material world.
You could compare it to a drug addict. Some people use drugs as a way of escaping reality — detoxing brings them back to reality very painfully. For me, *safe foods* allow me to keep dissociating, and eating outside of my comfort zone feels like detoxing.
The concept of “grounding” means “bringing yourself back to reality” by focusing on your five senses. It takes you out of your mind and into your body. It takes you away from daydreaming and into the present moment. Grounding is necessary — losing touch with reality can feel good, but overtime, it is very damaging. This is what turns into paranoia, delusions, apathy, lethargy, and eventually depression.
The work never ends
Despite all of the progress I have made this year (and even the past couple of years), I will always have ARFID. It’s something that you can manage and control – but never something you can completely overcome. There is no “cure.” However, there is hope.
When people invite me to social events surrounding food, I can’t help but feel nervous and paranoid. Even though I can now eat so many more foods than before, I still can’t get rid of that feeling.
When people simply talk about food, it also makes me feel uncomfortable, because I cannot fully relate. As mentioned before, there are plenty of *comfort foods* that can bring pleasure and excitement, but it’s not the same type of ecstasy that I see in others. Even my favorite foods still come with anxiety. And it feels like I’m missing out on a certain level of happiness.
As I begin to gradually eat more variety – more ingredients, more sauces, more textures, more flavors – I start to see everything that I was missing out on. Food has become more vibrant. And so, there’s more vibrancy in my life.
When I notice my ARFID acting up, instead of being hard on myself and forcing myself to eat foods that make me uncomfortable, I switch my focus to the root of my anxiety. I check in with my mood, I do breathing exercises, I do grounding techniques, I do yoga, I journal, etc. I do anything that I can to ease the anxiety.
I will be dealing with this for the rest of my life – but I’m going to keep working on it, and keep healing, so that it doesn’t have to control my whole life. And in the year 2025, I have made a major milestone in identifying my problem, finding acceptance and peace, and finding ways to continue healing.
Crystal Aura Gaze 
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