A Vow of Silence (short story)

Luna was sick of the heartbreak that came with people & society. It was madness, all the pain and delusions. She could no longer go on this way. It was decided that she would become a nun. Secluded from the rest of the world, she would live in a small church and dedicate her life to God.

After making the announcement, of course no one understood her choice. Her close friends told her it was just a phase — or so they hoped. Her parents were affected by it the most.

Luna’s father told her with a sigh, “I was really looking forward to having grandchildren. But on the bright side, now I don’t have to worry about any boys breaking your heart.”

Luna’s mother was most disappointed. “This is a mistake,” she flat-out told her. “You’re at the prime of your life as a young adult. Go travel, explore, build a career, make new friends, experience new things!”

“I’m not interested in any of that,” Luna explained, “it all feels so shallow, like it’s a waste of my time and energy. This is my true calling: I can feel it in my heart.”

No matter anyone’s opinion, no one could stop her. Maybe this was not the path for everyone, but it was the path for Luna.

There was so much she would have to sacrifice. It would not be easy. She would have to follow the rules of poverty, give up her credit card and close her bank account, chastity, become married to God, and obedience, surrender all her free will to God.

After an extended period of training, Luna made the confident decision to become a nun — there was not a single trace of doubt in her mind.

Luna stood before the church and took a vow of silence. Not a literal silence — as in not being able to speak. Yet silencing herself in a metaphorical sense, silencing herself to society, to the material world, to ego, in order to commit herself. Like a bride, she was consciously choosing to give herself away completely — just not to a man, to God.

Luna moved into her new home, shared by six other ladies. All of them were much older, except for one who was closest to Luna’s age, in her thirties. The other women were her sisters, who she loved as sisters. They were not friends, and they did not always have to like each other — as sisters they loved each other but always put God first.

Luna was happy to have her own bedroom. It was a small space with a full bed, a desk, and a nightstand — that was all.

She woke early each morning with the rising sun. Upon waking, she would say a prayer, dress herself, and then make her way to the communal kitchen. There, she’d heat the kettle and make herself a cup of tea.

All of the ladies would rotate turns making breakfast. Luna’s favorite was pancakes or french toast. They would say their prayers before eating, go ahead and chow down, clean up after themselves, and then pray again together.

The rest of the day was filled with lots of prayer and lots of bible study. Luna still went grocery shopping, did the laundry, and partook in plenty of other “normal” tasks. She still stayed in touch with friends and family. She still had “free time” to read books, write stories, or go on nature walks. However, life was very, very different now…

As time went on, Luna wore herself out. It was difficult and she was exhausted. And yet, at the same time, she never felt so free and alive. Her prior life was spread thin and did not align with the intensity of her heart. Luna knew that the way she was wired, she was destined to pour her entire soul into one thing. No longer lost and wandering, her focus was now as sharp as a razor blade.

Luna constantly battled with addictions of the past: impulsivity, laziness, gluttony, substance abuse, retail therapy, gambling, gossiping and cursing, the list was endless. There were times when she seriously thought about giving up. However, the more she pushed forward, and the more faith she mustered, the better it felt.

Worst of all her addictions, were men. Luna’s old life was filled with too many. In her born-again life, most of her time was spent with other women. She still went out in public, still saw men, still conversed with them when necessary, like buying groceries for example. She still had contact with male church-members or church-goers. However, it was much more different, and she really only spoke to them when absolutely necessary. It’s not that she was terrified or disgusted by them (well, maybe slightly) but simply because there was no need.

If Luna needed spiritual support, she would go directly to God Himself. And if that was a struggle, her sisters were always there to assist.

One day, out on a nature walk, Luna found herself contemplating whether or not she was truly satisfied with her new life. Everything about it felt like home, but there was something missing… or perhaps, she wondered, it was human nature to always crave more — greediness.

As happy as she was to commit herself to God, she also could not help but wonder… what if she were to stumble upon a God-like man? She could give him the same devotion… For sure, it could not be an average man.

Luna prayed a little longer that night before bedtime, confessing her thoughts from earlier that day. For now, she would surrender to the universe…

To be continued…