Crystal Aura Gaze

I have a confession to make. Something I never really shared with others when I was younger because of embarrassment. But now I don’t mind sharing with the world.

Now, this is going to sound ironic, coming from someone who loves Halloween and all things creepy. But the truth is — I have always been deathly scared of scary movies, or shows, or any other form of media that’s just too scary. I don’t mind blood and gore at all. BUT SCARY MOVIES ARE JUST TOO SCARY! The suspense and the whole concept of murder is just way too scary. I don’t mind songs about murder, but seeing it on a TV screen is way too much for me.

When I was a child, that was back when people watched live TV and they played a million commercials. Whenever a trailer came on for a scary movie, I would have to close my eyes and ears, sometimes even run out of the room until it was over, or else I would freak out and have horribly intense paranoia for the rest of the day/night. And this wasn’t just elementary days, this persisted through jr. high.

My first scary movie in theaters was “Pirate of the Caribbean” which is technically a Disney movie and not even really scary at all. I was eight years old, which really isn’t even that young I feel like. It was on a family vacation and I kept saying how nervous I felt, but everyone else was so excited to see it, so I had no choice but to go along with it. I remember feeling intense anxiety the whole beginning of the movie, and halfway through, the scene where the skeletons come to life and walk around, I panicked and ran out of the theater. Luckily my sister came to my rescue and we snuck into see Finding Nemo.

Before that, I was probably about six or seven, another family vacation we went to see a 3-D Alice in Wonderland special. I don’t know why I was so scared, and my family kept saying, “just take off your 3-D glasses if it’s too scary.” I remember a scene where Alice runs though the woods and there’s creatures chasing after her and throwing things that come towards you (that 3-D effect) I started crying and ran out of the theater and my mom was running after me! That moment felt so traumatizing to me that I couldn’t watch the classic Alice in Wonderland ever again, without intense anxiety, until I reached college. And now, today, it’s one of my favorite movies ever. But like, I’m really hesitant to show this movie to my children, if I ever have children, ahaha.

To this day I can tolerate scary movies but I HAVE TO be with someone. And living alone, there’s many things I can’t let myself watch. Sometimes I’ll even be watching trashy reality TV, and if there’s a lot of fighting and drama, I’ll get these “bad vibes” and shut it off immediately or else my anxiety spikes again.

I don’t know, there’s something about movies and TV that freaks me out, like I’m extremely sensitive to all of it. And yet, I’ll listen to songs about murder no problem, or I’ll even play the ouija board by myself for fun, or you know those moments when something weird happens like lights flickering or doors shutting randomly — none of that bothers me!!! But scary movies ARE JUST TOO SCARY!!!

Thanks for reading my vent/confessional. 🙂