Lessons I’ve Learned About Love In The Past Few Years

Going through bad experiences is necessary for knowing what you truly want.

The past two to three years have been a whirlwind. I may look back at this as a dark time in my life, but I can also see it as an absolutely necessary part of my path for spiritual growth. Maybe I can call this the dark night of the soul.

Living in a constant state of anxiety is going to break you down. When you live every day in fight-or-flight mode, it is bound to take a toll on your body.

My body took a downfall when I chose to live a life of uncertainty. When I didn’t know what I wanted, when I didn’t understand anything that was happening, when I was focusing on people who were augmenting my delusions — my body relapsed.

Cortisol spikes when you can’t relax. It’s called the “stress hormone.” I don’t want to live a life of constant stress — where I’m just surviving. I want to thrive.

Love is reliability; love is comfort; love is someone you can count on.

You don’t realize how much you appreciate being able to fully lean on someone until you’re crying over someone who cancels plans at last minute, who doesn’t answer your texts or phone calls, and who refuses to make you any promises. Every time you see them, you have no idea when you’ll see them again — each time very might well be the last.

Growing up was freaking me out. I didn’t want to be one of those “old, married couples” who seemingly live incredibly boring lives. I was scared of letting go of the unknown. I was addicted to the drama, addicted to the thrills of the highs and lows.

The funny thing is that the highs weren’t even that high; yet the lows were incredibly low. The highs would last a few seconds, while the lows seem to linger for weeks to months at a time. Why was I so addicted to this?

You must overcome your addiction to drama in order to find true love.

Being able to count on someone means that there’s trust. And trust is the absolute foundation of love. I never realized how much I took trust for granted.

It seems that you simply have trust in someone or you don’t. You can’t force yourself to trust someone; likewise, you can’t force someone to trust you. It’s either there or it’s not.

But trust doesn’t mean that you believe that someone will be perfect or never make a mistake. Trust doesn’t mean that you put someone on a pedestal and demand them to meet those expectations.

Trust is when you say, “everything is going to be okay” — despite the mistakes that you will both make, or the fights you will get into, or the unexpected curveballs that will come your way.

Trust is the foundation of love.

I’m happy because now I can say that I know what I want. Drama is a part of life; it would be foolish for me to say that I don’t want any drama. But I’m not actively seeking it out. I don’t choose to stir the pot or put myself in a cycle of highs and lows.

Someone who grounds you is someone who loves you. They bring you back down to earth. They are your rock.

Maybe someday I will be that “old, married couple.” But I don’t think it will be boring at all; I think it will be cozy, comfortable, and fulfilling. It will keep me whole.