Crystal Aura Gaze

I am beginning a “journal series” in which I look back on old journals and reminisce, learn about my past, and see what issues I needed to work on. In each journal series post, I will show what my journal looked like, mention my age and dates of the journal, and try to share photos and quotes of some of the things that I wrote. Some of what I have written will be introspective and inspiring; some of it will be sad and very dark; most of it will be funny, ridiculous, and totally cringe.

In my shared entries, I will not reveal any names or specific events that would violate or disrespect anyone’s privacy. This is not about anyone else — this is about my own feelings and reactions.

I technically wrote my first diary entry back when I was a little child, maybe seven-years old or so. It wasn’t consistent, but there were at least a few entries. Unfortunately this has been lost.

I had this blue, sparkly “journal” from my middle school years, which was not so much a typical diary, but consisted of doodles, comics, bullet lists, and random writings. I will share that one later on. For now, we have my first official journal from when I was 12-years old. The same year I declared myself vegetarian, I also committed to journaling. It was a year of creating long-lasting habits.

This is what it looked like — grey, fuzzy, with some little sparkle thingies attached. Highly aesthetic texture. It was a Christmas gift from one of my friends in December of 2006.

First off, I like how brutally honest I am in all of my journals. This one is no different. I would never want to share the entirety of my journals, but I want to share pieces of them — not just for my own introspection, but so that others can either see a hidden side of me, or feel inspired to get in touch with their own past-self. This process is going to be kind of embarrassing, but I think it will be interesting, and also kind of funny. Please don’t judge!

“I have a stressful life in 7th grade; friends with out-of-control hormones, a crush who will never like me back in a billion years, stupid homework, and crazy teachers. So, if I can write it all out, maybe life will get easier? Writing down all my thoughts isn’t as weird as I thought.”

I wrote in this journal every couple weeks or so. A lot of it has to do with friendship drama, wishing I had a boyfriend, feeling stressed about school work. A very brief, petty fight with my sister. There’s a lot of negativity and upsetting moments. The journal is short, and I hardly fill out a quarter of the notebook. I think this is the only journal that I do not fill out mostly or completely.

It’s interesting to see how much I was attempting to rely on friends, or having a boyfriend, for happiness. I fixated a lot on people when I should have been focusing that energy on myself. I feel like I changed a lot from the start to end of seventh grade, in that I really changed my mindset, realized the power of taking charge of my thoughts and changing them, rather than drowning in them. I think consistent journaling for the first time really helped me grow.

By the end of the journal, I started writing down prompt questions, which I turned into a “belief journal.” Those were a lot more positive and sweet.

Next up, is my journal from ages 12 through 14…