Personal updates

Journal Journey: 12-years old

I am beginning a “journal series” in which I look back on old journals and reminisce, learn about my past, and see what issues I needed to work on. In each journal series post, I will show what my journal looked like, mention my age and dates of the journal, and try to share photos and quotes of some of the things that I wrote. Some of what I have written will be introspective and inspiring; some of it will be sad and very dark; most of it will be funny, ridiculous, and totally cringe.

In my shared entries, I will not reveal any names or specific events that would violate or disrespect anyone’s privacy. This is not about anyone else — this is about my own feelings and reactions.

I technically wrote my first diary entry back when I was a little child, maybe seven-years old or so. It wasn’t consistent, but there were at least a few entries. Unfortunately this has been lost.

I had this blue, sparkly “journal” from my middle school years, which was not so much a typical diary, but consisted of doodles, comics, bullet lists, and random writings. I will share that one later on. For now, we have my first official journal from when I was 12-years old. The same year I declared myself vegetarian, I also committed to journaling. It was a year of creating long-lasting habits.

This is what it looked like — grey, fuzzy, with some little sparkle thingies attached. Highly aesthetic texture. It was a Christmas gift from one of my friends in December of 2006.

First off, I like how brutally honest I am in all of my journals. This one is no different. I would never want to share the entirety of my journals, but I want to share pieces of them — not just for my own introspection, but so that others can either see a hidden side of me, or feel inspired to get in touch with their own past-self. This process is going to be kind of embarrassing, but I think it will be interesting, and also kind of funny. Please don’t judge!

“I have a stressful life in 7th grade; friends with out-of-control hormones, a crush who will never like me back in a billion years, stupid homework, and crazy teachers. So, if I can write it all out, maybe life will get easier? Writing down all my thoughts isn’t as weird as I thought.”

I wrote in this journal every couple weeks or so. A lot of it has to do with friendship drama, wishing I had a boyfriend, feeling stressed about school work. A very brief, petty fight with my sister. There’s a lot of negativity and upsetting moments. The journal is short, and I hardly fill out a quarter of the notebook. I think this is the only journal that I do not fill out mostly or completely.

It’s interesting to see how much I was attempting to rely on friends, or having a boyfriend, for happiness. I fixated a lot on people when I should have been focusing that energy on myself. I feel like I changed a lot from the start to end of seventh grade, in that I really changed my mindset, realized the power of taking charge of my thoughts and changing them, rather than drowning in them. I think consistent journaling for the first time really helped me grow.

By the end of the journal, I started writing down prompt questions, which I turned into a “belief journal.” Those were a lot more positive and sweet.

Next up, is my journal from ages 12 through 14…


2 thoughts on “Journal Journey: 12-years old

  1. This was adorable, and has re-inspired me to start writing in my own journal again. I used to write a lot in my journal especially when I first started dating. And like you I focussed on chasing a boyfriend/future husband. Although I did spend a lot time on my own doing the things I enjoy, I didn’t have that many friends and we didn’t catch up very often as we all worked. I was never interested in nightclubs or going out for a drink as I don’t drink alcohol or smoke.
    But this last year even by watching people on youtube, I’ve realised that I should’ve been content with what I have and not wasted my time on online dating sites. I actually miss being single.
    For the last 2 days I’ve been watching Shayna at The Purple Palace on Youtube – she journals a lot too, she’s an american artist living in Paris, and a very interesting young woman. But what a dream that would be – to live as an artist or writer in Paris! Anyway thanks for sharing, and looking forward to the rest of the series.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much!!! 🤗 journaling is a wonderful habit everyone should have! My mom has been journals from her life too, which have been lovely to read through now that she is very sick and this way a piece of her is still here. A lot of her entries would say “I wish I wrote more.” In the moment it can feel bothersome, especially when you’re always busy and tired, but once you make a habit out of it it’s totally worth it. It’s crazy how you look back and remember things you totally forgot, or you see how different your perspective was. And that’s so cool! Paris is beautiful! Such a dream.

      Liked by 1 person

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