Personal updates

Journal Journey: Ages 21 to 22

This cover has a vintage and faux-worn out feel to it.

I am now on my very last semester of college! It is the end of 2016!

This is just super conflicting. So I confront a recent ex friend for ditching me but she claims it was the other way around. And then I get mad at another friend about not hanging out as much anymore, even though I had gone on so much before about too much socializing draining me.

This seems like more of my own internal struggle. I am feeling more distant from people, but I was the one who chose to distance myself because I needed to for my own mental health. I think I am sad over the fact that I am losing people, just because I am physically incapable of giving my all to everyone.

“I am grounding myself until I’ve learned my lessons!” 😅 There is little difference between “getting grounded by your parents” or choosing to “ground yourself for the sake of mental health.”

This is when I buy a life-changing book called “Moon Time” which teaches me all the things about my period that we all should’ve been taught as children. I’m learning all about how my mood and personality shifts throughout the cycle. How menstruation is important for solitude and introspection, and ovulation is ideal for being social and active. It’s a game changer. From this point forward I strive to be far more aware of tracking my cycle.

My kitten, Venus!!! My boyfriend at the time surprised me as an early birthday present!!! What a wonderful moment!!!

I am really eager to run away from society and shut off all social media and become a hermit. I want a very minimalistic and quiet life.

**Let me clarify!!!** by “starve myself” I’m not referring to food, I mean starve my brain from endorphin addiction. I feel this is very important to clarify!!!

I really was not sure I would pass all of my classes!!! WOOOO!!!!!

I read something interesting earlier, it was like, “if we all brought our egos to Heaven, it would be just like Hell.”

I just want to take care of animals.

This part really shows how journaling truly helps you process your emotions and calm your anger. It really has been my best therapy.

The following is a traumatic DREAM I had:

Wow, after reading this, I remember it vividly. I became very lucid by the end of the dream and I questioned if I should wake myself up or not. It was a scary nightmare I wanted to wake up from, but I also questioned what will happen to this girl if I wake up and leave?! It was so scary! It felt so real!

I am deeply searching for “extreme change” in my life. And I am not referring to the changes I am already going through, leaving college and moving into a new place, and getting a new job. I am talking about change on a personal, spiritual level. But I just do not know exactly how to go about it.

This was an interesting phase of my life, the space between finishing college and beginning my full time job. In this time, I was temporarily back at my parents’ house, working part time at an animal shelter.

There are still parts in which I am fixated on old dramas or other people’s lives, but I am gradually GROUNDING myself. Looking back, I can see that I still have so much inner work to do, so many inner feelings that I’m suppressing, but slowly getting there. I’m really trying to “cleanse” my life.

I had a good relationship, with many good times. I believe we were destined to meet, destined to be together. But there were so many signs that our time was up and I continued ignoring them. I was too scared to be on my own and now I live with the consequences of my fear.


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