Twenty-two of your cat’s greatest pet peeves

My two cats (Venus & Luna) have put together a list of their greatest pet peeves. They said that all cats will relate, and that the humans need to be rightfully educated about all the horrible things they have to put up with.

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1. When you leave for work

How dare you leave me at the house all alone! Oh, you say you’re doing this so you can pay the bills? Then why won’t you buy me more food?

2. Lack of attention

What is this screen-thingy you keep staring at? Why won’t you pay attention to me?!

3. A closed door

If you close the door, I want to leave the room. If you let me out of the room and close the door, I want to come back inside the room. Just leave the darn door open, or I’ll drive you crazy.

4. When you interrupt nap-time

Excuse me? I’m sleeping here. Unless you’re going to feed me, leave me alone!

5. When you get ready for bed

Don’t turn out all the lights! I know what that means! Eight hours without attention or feeding! NOOOO!

6. When you sleep

I am going to run around the house like a psycho at 2 AM so you wake up and give me attention. And if that doesn’t work, I will pounce on your face.

7. When you snooze the alarm

It’s FEEDING TIME!!!

8. When you walk into the kitchen and it’s not feeding time

We all know the kitchen means one thing: feeding time. If you walk into the kitchen to do anything else, I’m going to meow at you until you can’t even hear you own thoughts. Do not walk into the kitchen, get my hopes up, and then leave the kitchen without feeding me. How dare you tease me like that?!

9. Water

Unless it’s in my water dish, I want NOTHING to do with it!!!

10. Showers / baths

Speaking of water… the shower is the one place I can’t bother you… grrrrr…

11. When you don’t share food

That’s very selfish of you. I’ll give you some canned tuna if you give me some of that fresh and juicy steak.

12. When you’re stingy with treats

Must… have… ALL THE TREATS!!!

13. When you smell like another animal

I thought we had something SPECIAL!

14. When you don’t appreciate my hunting skills

I kill a bug and you rejoice, I kill a bird or a rabbit and you cry and scream?! I did this to MAKE YOU PROUD! I guess I’ll NEVER be good enough for you!!!

15. When you won’t let me sniff your butt

Just trying to figure out what’s going on…

16. Closed window curtains

Let me have my view! Do you see me shutting of your TV?

17. When you yell at me for no reason

I’m just scratching your furniture to pieces, what’s the big deal? Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed…

18. When you don’t wanna play

Ugh, I get so bored!!! Why are you so lazy? Throw a ball, chase me, do SOMETHING!

19. When you clip my nails

What is this torture device?! HELP!!!!

[Serious note: please do not declaw your cats! More info here.]

20. When you dress me up

GAHHH… I feel so constricted!!! Why are you laughing at my pain?! Get this dang thing off of me NOW!!!

21. Car rides

Let me out, please!!! I feel sooo sick! How much longer? Where are we even going? Please don’t tell me we’re going to the vet. I expect MANY treats after this!!!

22. Your petting technique

Mmmm, yes… feels so nice and relaxing… wait! NO! Tummy area is SENSITIVE! Don’t pet me there! Ohhh yes, the ears… can you scratch them a little more… right here… I’ll show you! Ahhh yes, pet my back more… Wait, keep going! Don’t stop! Why did you stop petting me?!