When I was a child I was very uncomfortable with physical affection. But my mom was always a very physically affectionate person. So she would always be trying to hug me, cuddle me, hold my hand, kiss me, etc. I didn’t like cuddling, I didn’t let her hold my hand, and I was very physically withdrawn. Every single time she kissed me on the cheek, I had to wipe it off. She told me that once she came to check on me while I was asleep, and kissed my cheek, and I wiped it off in my sleep.
I was like this with everyone, not just her. However she definitely tried the most. And I always fought back. It was verbally too. She was constantly saying “I love you,” and I wouldn’t say anything back. Then she would ask “do I say ‘I love you’ too much?” And I would say “YES!” And she would laugh and keep saying it.
And it’s not that I didn’t love her, of course. I have always loved her more than anything! I just had very different ways of showing it. And that was frustrating for both of us. My mom wanted me to be more physically affectionate, and I wanted her to realize that I express my affection in different ways.
But my mom was very funny about it. She would say, like it was a competition, “one day I’m gonna make you love me!” And she would sing to me “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me” by the Supremes & The Temptations. She changed the lyrics to add my name, and she would be singing, “I’m gonna get ya, I’m gonna get ya, look out Laura, I’m gonna get ya, I’m gonna make you love me!”
I remember walking to school with her in Kindergarten, and her singing this to me, chasing me down the street as I refused to hold her hand. And I would be giggling. It was really funny.
I don’t know why I was like this. I’m not sure if I ever outgrew it either. I am very, very, very sensitive to affection and especially physical touch. I think I feel it stronger than most people, that it activates more neurons in my body and my brain than normal people, and I have an overreactive nervous system. It doesn’t mean I’m cold or incapable of love, it definitely does not mean I didn’t love my mom! I realize this is hard for people to understand but it means a lot to me when people understand that everyone functions differently and we all feel and communicate in different ways.
I am glad my mom always knew I loved her, that she never forced me to be different. I can understand how I may have frustrated her, but she really had great humor about it. I think she was very amused.
Well, now my mom is in a nursing home and it’s going to be a while until I can see her in person again due to COVID. The other night I had a dream that I was begging her to kiss me on the cheek. And she did.
Here is the song she always sang to me…
Crystal Aura Gaze 
Our moms are opposites! My mom never told me she loved me and she didn’t hug or kiss me. My father was also cold towards me. I grew up thinking that a lack of affection was normal until I realized that no child deserves cold parents.
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No child deserves coldness and I’m really upset to hear that. I hope they were still able to show their love in other ways. Sending your inner child a big hug ❤️ And sending healing energy your way ❤️ it can be due to how they were raised as children or a psychological issue but never your fault and again like you said no child deserves coldness
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I live in Africa and this has been accepted widely. Little affection especially in boys and men. I never grew up with a dad but my mum and most of my aunts told us that the fact that they provide for us is proof enough that they love us (of course they won’t use the word love).
To Africans affection is seen as weakness or something only white people do.
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Ohh I have heard that before. That’s very interesting. Very different dynamic.
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You are different and that’s okay. Never feel guilty for being yourself. Our moms know we love them whatever we do or don’t do.
I feel like touch is the most intimate sense for you and you can only share with very few if not one. It gets you to another dimension and makes you vulnerable so you can’t really trust anyone with it.
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Wow, you described that perfectly. That is exactly how I feel and always felt. And thanks so much for your kind support!
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You’re most welcome dear. Much love ♥
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❤️❤️❤️
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What a great post.lovely
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Thanks darling you are so kind ❤️
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Ah you to sweetie
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Ohh blushing 🥰😘
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❤❤❤
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This is such a sweet reflection on the way we express and receive love. It can be tricky when your own style doesn’t match that of someone you love. Yet the games you and your mother came up with give me the sense that she knew how much you loved her, even if she wanted to express it physically while you had a subtler way. 💖
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Aww thanks so much for your sweet comment, that is well said. 🥰❤️ It really was our “game” 😜
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