I would like to share my experiences throughout my three trimesters! I still have some time to go, but I’m getting to that final stretch.
First of all, I have thought a lot about what kind of mother I want to be. We are lucky to live in an age where women have a say over their mothering experience, or if they want to be mothers at all.
I do have an open mind and I want to stay humble to the fact that there will be a lot of things that I won’t know what to expect. I am prepared to expect the unexpected. But I still think that it’s important to cultivate your intentions.
I want to immerse myself into motherhood 200%. I don’t have any fears of losing my identity, and in fact, I am looking forward to meeting a brand new version of myself. My mom’s greatest joy was being a mother and I want to follow in that.
Some of my best memories are being a toddler and hanging out with my mom all day, going with her to the grocery store, running errands with her, and playing on my own while she put on her radio shows and cleaned the house. I never had to rely on her for entertainment, I learned how to entertain myself, and it was fun just to be a part of her adult world.
I want my baby to be the center of my life, I want to spend all of my time with her, and I want her to be with me everywhere I go. But she will also be introduced to the real world, she will see what it’s like to be out in public and doing adult tasks with other adults. In some ways, she will be safe in her little bubble, but in others ways she will also be exposed to the real world and see what she will grow into.
During pregnancy, I have already had to make “sacrifices” and life alterations. Yet, it doesn’t really feel like I am losing anything, more like I am gaining something so much greater. I know that parenting is full of sacrifices, but I feel that these will be more like changes that I am willing to take on in exchange for something better.
I had my phase in life of total loneliness and independence and I am done with that. That’s why I’m really not scared of “losing myself,” because I spent many years trying to find myself, just to realize that life is about finding your people.
First trimester
I found out that I was pregnant in springtime. I had my first ultrasound at my gynecologist at 8 weeks pregnant. She confirmed that the heartbeat was good and everything looked healthy so far.
And by this point, I was feeling extremely sick. Like, really, really, really sick. The sickness probably peaked around 9-10 weeks before it started easing up. My worst symptoms were lethargy and nausea.
I was too exhausted to do anything, including any of my hobbies that I enjoy. It was pure survival mode. The nausea was insane. I was throwing up bright, orange bile every morning (which continued through halfway of my pregnancy). And then I had to eat within five minutes of waking up or else the vomit would continue.
Eating was such a struggle. But not eating was even worse. The only things I could digest was white bread, white rice, and white pasta. My body rejected any type of protein, fiber, or whole grain. Eating brought no relief, but kept the nausea controllable.
I did not expect my anxiety to be so terrible. Every day, I was worried about having a miscarriage or complication. I feared all of the possible health defects that could happen for my baby. Every day, I was holding my breath.
My first round of bloodwork was a HUGE amount… they took 11 vials with 10mL each, a couple of them 20mL of blood. So, that’s about ~130 mL of blood. It didn’t hurt, I just couldn’t believe that I could spare that much blood.
Despite the physical stress and anxiety, I was ultimately still extremely excited. I felt so beyond grateful to be pregnant. Underneath all of the discomfort and fear, I still felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
Second trimester
Second trimester came in the summertime, and this is when things started feeling so much better. I started feeling more confident about my baby’s health, especially as I was doing more tests (so much bloodwork) and everything was coming back healthy. I was also feeling more confident about being pregnant in general. It was like, yes, my body knows exactly what to do and I can handle this!
Nausea started easing up around 12 weeks, and soon enough, I was eating real food again. My appetite was revving up and I could once again feel the joy of tasty foods. Energy did not fully return, but it came and went in waves, allowing me to sort of return to normal activities.
Summertime was when I started telling family and friends. I wanted to wait until I was in a more comfortable and secure point in my pregnancy. It was a big weight off of my shoulders to start telling people. And it was really fun to begin showing off the bump! Plus, the most exciting part – starting to feel her move and kick inside my belly!
I had 2 more ultrasounds, confirming that the baby was measuring right (she was a little on the small side, 12th percentile.) The only issue was that they could not get a good view of her heart because she wouldn’t flip over the right way (they called her “noncompliant,” yikes!) So, we went to a specialist to do an echocardiogram – everything looked fine.
I finished up the second trimester with my final round of bloodwork and my glucose test. The glucose test was an experience – I had to chug a lemon-lime sugary drink, wait an hour, and then get my blood taken. It didn’t taste bad, but it wasn’t great either. It made me a little dizzy and loopy. I returned to work later that day, and I had the worst sugar crash around 3pm.
Third trimester
Discomfort started returning in the third trimester – but still nothing nearly as bad as the first trimester. At this point, much of my health concerns for the baby had been relieved… of course, there are other kinds of health concerns to worry about by now.
The lethargy has returned. But again, still not nearly as tired as I was during first trimester. But I’m slowing down again. Everything hurts, so I’ve been trying to go easy on my body. Sitting or laying down doesn’t bring much relief. What helps is hot showers, a heating pad, and my pregnancy ball. I’ve been doing prenatal yoga throughout my pregnancy. It actually helps to keep my body moving and not stay still for too long.
I’m extremely hot all of the time. Even though it’s autumn, it still feels like summer. My heart goes out to women who have to go through third trimester during summertime. I’m breathing a lot more heavily, more easily out of breath, as the pressure is pushing on my lungs and my blood volume keeps going up.
However, the best part of the third trimester is how much I can feel my baby kicking and moving around. I actually started crying once, feeling sad about how after she is born, I won’t get to feel her inside of me anymore and it’s going to feel empty. Yeah, I’ve got the pregnancy weepiness right now.
Right now I am making more efforts to feel comfortable and low-stress. I bought a foldable bathtub for my shower so I could take a bath again with epsom salts and lavender. And this morning I had an amazing prenatal full-body massage!
Still more time to go…
I’ve still got some time… but not too much longer!
I would just like to say again how happy I am because of my baby. It’s hard to go through this without my own Mom. This experience is bringing connection to how my Mom felt and what she went through when she had me.
I want women to know that pregnancy is not that scary as they say it is. It is a lot of work, it takes a lot on the body, and some women can suffer much more debilitating symptoms. It’s not something to take lightly. However, there is so much fear around pregnancy, especially as less people are having babies so it’s becoming more uncommon. Decades and centuries ago, girls would be surrounded by pregnant women all of the time, and so it was a lot more normalized – and now it’s become much more of an unknown and spooky thing.
Despite all of the symptoms and discomfort, I really love being pregnant. It feels like a second puberty because my body is rapidly changing every day, my mental state is changing, and my hormones are spiking. You just have to go with it, know that the negative symptoms are only temporary, and embrace how thrilling it is.
Aside from the achy-ness, I’ve never felt more comfortable in my body. It feels like my body is doing what it’s supposed to do. I love the roundness of my belly, I love the stretch marks, and I just feel softer and more womanly. Our bodies are not machines, or meant to be perfect photoshopped models; they are miraculous vessels.
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