Personal updates

Journal Journey: Ages 16 to 17

I know this journal will have some very low points, but it will not be nearly as negative as the prior! *Phew* because that was heavy. Much, much happier moments to come.

I bought this journal in Ocean Grove. I love the design — modern and minimalist, yet elegant. And straightforward — “journal.

What a positive entry to begin with. It’s true that in my last journal, I didn’t write a “goodbye entry” like the dramatic one from my cow journal. This was when I began to quit dwelling on the past so much, quit being so sentimental about endings, and really just focus on moving forward.

Some insightful and cryptic comments here…

I’ve written stories since childhood, but this was when I first wrote an entire novel with full chapters and a final conclusion. Okay, it’s funny I say “innapropriate” here — I mean there were some “kissing scenes” and cursing and PG-13 stuff, okay? Nothing terrible. But yeah, this novel will NEVER be released on my blog. Hahaha. It’s a good story, but it’s cringe.

My first boyfriend. I have to include this because of all those entries from my twelve year-old-self crying about how I would never get a boyfriend. That’s all I’m going to share about that! Also, I love how the date is basically 11 11!

Okay the ghost of FACEBOOK is strong. “He could’ve added me on Facebook!!!” I am dying. 😂😂😂

I kind of bonded with the cheerleaders” I reluctantly admit. 🙄🤣 My snobby butt was always judging all the cheerleaders, even when I literally was one myself. I was seriously such a snob.

There is a whole part in which I’m only writing about food, how little I’m eating, how much weight I’m losing. I get down to the 90s. I write how my mom made pancakes but I skipped them to have my portion controlled special K cereal. That breaks my heart. I would do anything right now to eat Mom’s freshly made pancakes. She rarely made pancakes too, a part of me wonders if she noticed how little I was eating and did it as a gesture to help, without being overly direct about it.

There were days when I only ate 300 or 400 calories total. Sometimes 600. Luckily this phase did not last long. For the next several months, I lost the feeling of being full, no matter how much I ate my body lost its ability to be full. It was really damaging, what I did. Even once I start eating normal again, I found other ways to self destruct. But I also get much more into yoga and find that it really helps.

There is so much friendship drama by the end. Oh my goodness. I think all of us are just really stressed and sad about this huge life change coming up. We are all about to finish high school.

50 years from now, your amount of “likes” on Facebook will be gone. Sit with that. 🤪

(You know what the sad part is? With Facebook taking over the world now, I’m pretty sure the amount of “likes” you got will NEVER GO AWAY!!! Facebook will HAUNT US FOR LIFE!!!! ZUCKERBERG WILL NEVER LET YOU FORGET!)


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