What can I say… :)

What can I say!? Well… I can’t really say much, but… I can say that I’m feeling kind of magical right now. The past couple weeks have felt magical. I mean, I’ve written so many sad blog posts before, that I’m allowed to write a happy one, yes? I think I’m happy. You know, I say that with hesitancy, with a little bit of weariness, with the awareness that happiness doesn’t last forever. But neither does sadness.

I’m still struggling. Work is difficult, I’m having horrible allergies right now. But there is some kind of spring magic in the air. I don’t want to make any assumptions or jinx myself right now… but I feel, or at least really hope, that things are going to keep getting more magical.

It’s crazy how you can repress so many strong feelings, out of fear — fear of vulnerability, fear of not being good enough, fear of trusting the universe. It’s crazy how we fixate and distract ourselves with situations we know are not truly meant for us. We chase after something we subconsciously know we will never have, or will never truly be happy with. We suppress.

I spent such a long time feeling in denial over so many things… although there was always a part of me deep down, that knew the truth… I refused to fully acknowledge it. I don’t know, I recently got some type of wakeup call from the universe. I felt called to take action. When you hit rock bottom, when you have nothing left to lose — that’s when you’re willing to take a risk. And the universe rewarded me for taking back my faith.

It’s been a wild journey and I ask myself, why now? Why not sooner? Why not a very, very long time ago? Why did I wait until I felt like it was too late? Maybe “divine timing”… or maybe… I forgot about my own power, I lost my confidence, I never took action because I forgot about free will. I surrounded myself with toxic energy, I allowed negative people to get inside of my head and lower my self-esteem. I told myself that I was unworthy of happiness, unworthy of love, unworthy of my true desires.

What can I say? I can’t say much. I don’t want to ruin this. I don’t want those bullies coming back into my life, getting inside of my head, or messing with the truth. Social media sucks… when you’re sad, many people take advantage of that opportunity to kick you down for their own sick satisfaction. When you’re happy, many people get jealous and use that opportunity to attack you. NEVER listen to the trolls. They are LIARS who are threatened of your power. Follow your OWN intuition. If someone sends you a sketchy or threatening message, just BLOCK them immediately. I have dealt with A LOT of trolls trying to spread LIES about me to the people I know, to my friends, to myself. ANYWAY…

I feel MAGICAL! I feel WORTHY of love! No one can take that away from me! This past week has been an absolute BLESSING from the universe, rewarding me for gathering back my faith and taking a risk.

6 thoughts on “What can I say… :)

  1. I’m happy to read your blog post update and to find out that you’re doing a lot better these days. I’m happy that things are turning around for you.

    My past two weeks have not been so magical. I’ve been feeling very depressed and defeated. My personal circumstances are external and I can’t control them. I feel powerless. But today you reminded me to find my own power within myself. I haven’t been taking care of myself like I should be and that’s something within my control. My mental well-being and how I choose to react to these unforeseen circumstances is also in my control. Thank you for this reminder. For the first time in days I’m spending time outside in nature and reconnecting myself with Mother Nature. 🧘‍♀️🌱

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! I’m so sorry to hear that, you seriously do not deserve that. Sometimes life really kicks us down. But it’s so true — we forget how much control we actually have. I was thinking too, especially as a woman, it makes me feel guilty to go after what I want because we’re not conditioned to be action-takers. And then when you go ahead and take control, it’s like… “wait what? Is it really that easy?” But the most difficult part is remembering your power. I’m so glad that you are going out in nature! So simple, yet so effective! I send you my healing thoughts and virtual hug 🤗 rough patches are normal but I am hoping things turn around for you too as well. Sending all the magic 🪄 ✨💖

      Liked by 1 person

      1. These days I feel so powerless. What I want is within reach but it’s not ideal due to other factors that I cannot control. I worked so hard to get to where I am now only to find out that “no, you can’t have that because of xyz.” It’s like my very existence, my very being, is against me and I’m dealing with a bit of an existional (spelling?) crisis. Last time this happened, I ended up making big changes in my life (often ruthless but very much needed) and will probably be making more changes in the near future. This means cutting people out of my life, deleting social media (already did that), and re-grounding myself. Spirituality is really the only reliable thing there is in my life these days. 🧘‍♀️☀️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Wow, I really feel that! I know that personally, I really struggle with making changes, even though I understand that change can be such a good thing. At the same time, it’s so scary. Backing off from social media and cutting out certain people or taking distance helps because we don’t realize how much other people influence us, we underestimate how much other people can impact our lives in negative ways. Taking space is good. And yes, spirituality is my rock, in challenging times I always know that there is energy around me protecting me and guiding me. I hope you can very soon look back at this time in your life and see it as a blessing in disguise somehow, and make those brave changes that need to be made.

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