What can I say!? Well… I can’t really say much, but… I can say that I’m feeling kind of magical right now. The past couple weeks have felt magical. I mean, I’ve written so many sad blog posts before, that I’m allowed to write a happy one, yes? I think I’m happy. You know, I say that with hesitancy, with a little bit of weariness, with the awareness that happiness doesn’t last forever. But neither does sadness.
I’m still struggling. Work is difficult, I’m having horrible allergies right now. But there is some kind of spring magic in the air. I don’t want to make any assumptions or jinx myself right now… but I feel, or at least really hope, that things are going to keep getting more magical.
It’s crazy how you can repress so many strong feelings, out of fear — fear of vulnerability, fear of not being good enough, fear of trusting the universe. It’s crazy how we fixate and distract ourselves with situations we know are not truly meant for us. We chase after something we subconsciously know we will never have, or will never truly be happy with. We suppress.
I spent such a long time feeling in denial over so many things… although there was always a part of me deep down, that knew the truth… I refused to fully acknowledge it. I don’t know, I recently got some type of wakeup call from the universe. I felt called to take action. When you hit rock bottom, when you have nothing left to lose — that’s when you’re willing to take a risk. And the universe rewarded me for taking back my faith.
It’s been a wild journey and I ask myself, why now? Why not sooner? Why not a very, very long time ago? Why did I wait until I felt like it was too late? Maybe “divine timing”… or maybe… I forgot about my own power, I lost my confidence, I never took action because I forgot about free will. I surrounded myself with toxic energy, I allowed negative people to get inside of my head and lower my self-esteem. I told myself that I was unworthy of happiness, unworthy of love, unworthy of my true desires.
What can I say? I can’t say much. I don’t want to ruin this. I don’t want those bullies coming back into my life, getting inside of my head, or messing with the truth. Social media sucks… when you’re sad, many people take advantage of that opportunity to kick you down for their own sick satisfaction. When you’re happy, many people get jealous and use that opportunity to attack you. NEVER listen to the trolls. They are LIARS who are threatened of your power. Follow your OWN intuition. If someone sends you a sketchy or threatening message, just BLOCK them immediately. I have dealt with A LOT of trolls trying to spread LIES about me to the people I know, to my friends, to myself. ANYWAY…
I feel MAGICAL! I feel WORTHY of love! No one can take that away from me! This past week has been an absolute BLESSING from the universe, rewarding me for gathering back my faith and taking a risk.